No more apologies: Professor Maja’s message for women in aged care

In a sector powered by women, Professor Maja Jovanović is calling time on unnecessary apologies, humility-for-acceptance, and confidence “fixes”.

With a PhD in sociology and a global reputation as a confidence researcher, speaker, and unapologetic advocate for women’s empowerment, Professor Maja has a bold message for female leaders in aged care: stop minimising yourselves. Start taking up space.

“Unnecessary apologies for mundane issues change how people perceive you and how you feel about yourself. While we would like to think we are perceived as kind and well-mannered people while we’re using a lot of ‘sorry’s’ — in reality, we’re perceived in the opposite manner,” she told Hello Leaders.

“People perceive over-apologisers as incompetent and lacking in confidence, they question our sincerity and wonder if we’re genuine or not. When we over-use apologies, it dilutes the effectiveness of real apologies.”

For women working in aged care — a workforce that is overwhelmingly female, yet disproportionately male-led in key areas — her words hit home.

Many of these leaders and aspiring leaders are managing heavy care responsibilities at work and at home, all while navigating outdated norms that expect them to be humble, likable, and accommodating.

“I loathe the concept of humbleness for women; it’s held up as an ideal for all women. The definition of humble is ‘having or showing a low estimate of one’s own worth or importance'(!!). Why would I want that for anyone?” Professor Maja queried.

“We’re humble because we’ve been told to be humble, because we’ve been encouraged and socialised every step of the way to play small, take up as little space as possible and to ‘just smile’ a bit more.

“Because when we are not humble, we are automatically assumed to be conceited. There are very real consequences to the socially engrained idea and ideal of humbleness for women (and for any marginalised group) and breaking these gender norms around humbleness causes us discomfort.”

She added that women often use apologetic communication to fit in. Worse still, many start minimising their success, deflecting praise and saying sorry before disagreeing.

“Fitting into these gender norms is exhausting and unfair,” Professor Maja said.

Confidence is ‘chipped away at’

Professor Maja is not interested in telling women to “fix” themselves to get ahead. The real problem, she argues, is systemic and includes everything from gender bias and rigid workplaces to the so-called ‘office housework’ women are expected to do, like organising team birthdays or mentoring junior staff without recognition.

“I don’t believe confidence and communication styles hold women back from promotions or being afforded the same opportunities as their male peers. It’s incredibly difficult to fit into organisations or industries that were designed by men for men,” she emphasised.

This doesn’t mean confidence can’t take a hit when interruptions and dismissive behaviours continue.

“But know, that with every unnecessary apology we give out, with every deflection of praise, with every likeability issue women inevitably lose out on, with every bias and microaggression we encounter, it chips away at our confidence,” she added

“Women do not innately lack confidence; our confidence is chipped away at. There is a difference.”

Professor Maja believes confidence is a skill that can be cultivated and strengthened, and that women can reclaim it through small, consistent practices.

“Confidence is very fluid, and it goes up and down depending on the day, the environment, your prior history or experience with this situation and the people involved,” she explained.

“You can start off your day with confidence, [but then you] run into traffic, get to work late, become frazzled during your presentation, fumble your words and your confidence takes a dive. All of that is normal.”

Confidence also looks and sounds different for everyone. It slides along a spectrum and what may make someone with a louder, more extroverted personality is very different to what might help a quieter, introverted leader.

Consistency over perfection

For Professor Maja, there is no “fake-it-till-you-make-it.” “Confidence is an action. You take action first and the feelings of confidence arrive much later,” she explained.

“Once you’ve lost your confidence, it’s gone. No! This is false, Confidence will vary depending on the context, the environment, your mood, etc. and just like any other skill, it can be grown at any stage or age in life.”

So, what are some of the great ways to boost your confidence if you’re in an environment that can chip away at the good?

When working with leaders across the globe, Professor Maja said the solution can often be as simple as wearing a favourite outfit or having their hair and nails done.

Many repeat a favourite mantra, quote, or spiritual phrase to pump themselves up, or they’ll do deep breathing exercises for a minute or two, to calm themselves down. Even getting a good night’s sleep, fitting in a morning workout or speaking with a trusted colleague or friend helps.

“It’s never one thing; it is always many things done on a consistent basis. Consistency wins over perfection, every single time. For instance, my participants tell me that knowledge, preparation and routines help build their confidence,” she said.

Professor Maja is currently running a global study on women’s confidence and communication styles, and participants are still needed for anyone who is interested.

She also offers online workshops for those wanting to dive deeper into topics such as imposter syndrome, failure, confidence and apologies.

Meanwhile, if there’s one message she hopes women in aged care hear loud and clear, it’s this:

“Don’t apologise unnecessarily! There is a fear that we will be perceived as unkind or rude if we don’t litter our sentences with 12 sorry’s. We can still be polite and kind humans without presenting ourselves in a subservient manner,” she added.

“Confident communication works best when it’s concise and clear, it’s about bringing intentionality to your language choice. ‘I’m probably not making this clear; this might sound silly.’ Versus. ‘Does anyone have any questions’, or ‘I’d be happy to answer any questions.'”