“Things got very dark” – When opening up about his depression, Simon Kerrigan’s honesty showed him the best of those in aged care

As Simon Kerrigan, the founder and managing director of Guide Healthcare, shared, “it was kind of a secret, I suppose”. Mental illness is complicated, and the cacophony of ‘success, success’ that seems to be the beating heart of so much of social media and conferences is a heady combination.

Carving out space to realistically, pragmatically and humanly sit in the possible awkwardness of not knocking KPIs out of the park, or dealing with the personal in leadership, has never been more desperately needed and warranted in aged care. The sector is under considerable strain, it’s leaders and front-line staff have already been through countless obstacles, and the hurdles keep coming. For both public policy makers, and private leaders, honesty about mental health in leadership is, without hyperbole, a matter of life and death.

High functioning masking

It may not be the second Thursday of September but today is the perfect day to dive into what it is to be a human, and particularly, what it is to be a leader in that humanity. Those that are suffering, oftentimes quietly, may be the smartest person you’ve ever worked with, they may the most ingenious at breaking down quarterly reports or wading through the minutiae that is the latest in compliance regulation and rules, but they may also be having an, simply put, awful time.

Studies conducted have shown that in order to keep up with perceived expectations of conduct and performance, many highly educated and high functioning professionals will mask depression to avoid its detection. Yet as the studies have shown, this has the likelihood of worsening mental health on the ‘inside’ and resulting in physical expressions of the illness. In short, it does not go away by ignoring it.

As a leader, Simon Kerrigan has shared his journey with depression, a kindness of transparency for which many are rightfully grateful. Tossing up whether he should even post at all shows the societal narrative that still remains about showing vulnerability in leadership.

Success does not mean mental health

“In October of 2023, I got diagnosed with depression.”

Kerrigan had been going from strength to strength with his business and team leading up to the end of 2023, it had been, “a year after AN-ACC had started, and a hugely successful time for Guide”, he says, however, “it became an equally detrimental period for myself.”

He shares that he had been, “working too much and lost all sense of self and enjoyment.”

He shares that even as his business and team were thriving, “things got very dark”, for him, and that he got to the point of needing to “step away for about four months”.

Needing to hide

Prevalent in the study of mental health among high-functioning persons, particularly leaders, is the need to avoid detection. Kerrigan shares an aspect of this for him, “it was kind of a secret, I suppose.” While he shares that his amazing team stepped up and took on the work to keep Guide going, it would be a “pattern” of him coming back and needing to leave.

All this was occurring within the confines of the business, the step to share it with the world would take time. Compounding the sense of loneliness and negative feelings about “not contributing enough”, Kerrigan shares that he constantly had the “fear that I’ll negatively impact the business, clients and contracts will be impacted because I’ve stepped away.”

Being unable to communicate feelings as humans corresponds to worsening mental health. Studies have found, while an element of chicken or the egg comes into play, that loneliness, in the inability to share feelings, can negatively impact depression, and likewise, feeling unable to communicate feelings of depression, due to factors or fear or recrimination, further alienates a human being.

Expectations of leadership

Societal and industry expectations, whether overt or implied, have created an expected narrative of what a leader is. From business books, to shiny posts on Linkedin, putting forward only strength has been a common theme. To keep to this rigid understanding of leadership is not only illogical but untruthful and detrimental to encouraging empathy and compassion to the vulnerable people that aged care seeks to care for and protect.

Kerrigan shares that compared to the standard of leadership he expected to hit, “you feel like you’re not contributing and completely useless…that you’re letting everyone down.”

He was “worried about what would happen with the business…already dealing with depression, feeling like you’re not contributing makes everything feel worse.”

LinkedIn had been the place where he had “always felt valued for contributing, engaging and posting, feeling up to date by that contribution.”

But he shares how he recoiled from it.

“LinkedIn became this place that highlighted how much I was letting everyone down, it felt like a place I didn’t really want to go to.”

“I wasn’t ‘good’ [anymore]”.

Vulnerability is business strategy

Kerrigan shares that the post may be his, “I’m back moment” for LinkedIn. He’s had time off, to re-evaluate what was important to him in his personal and private life.

And critically he shares that the time stepping away, the time he thought he wasn’t “contributing enough” has meant he’s seen things that needed to change.

Through taking the time away, and acknowledging his struggles, by not gritting his teeth and muscling through, he had the distance to be honest with himself and understand the changes that needed to be implemented.

Since feeling better and coming back he and the team have, “grown Guide, and brought in people who can do the things that are vital to running a business but that I didn’t love.”

Through these changes, he is back to, “loving the role”.

Through acknowledging his vulnerability, that things were not running well as is, that he did not have the strength or capacity to hit the things structured before him, and taking the time away, he was able to see what he needed and what the business needed. In also being honest with his team in this, he’s been able to implement strategic shifts.

Now, he’s, “getting to focus on the things I love, the creative design of programs, creating a great place to work, looking at projects and supporting teams.”

“For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m good at my job again, contributing and excited about what the future has to hold”.

Fear highlights truth

Tellingly for societal interpretations of leadership, vulnerability and mental health, is Kerrigan’s honesty in being terrified of posting his video. He names it overtly, “I’m posting because I’ve been scared to post this.”

“I’ve been scared to share that I was suffering from depression and that I stepped away from the business.”

Business modules will advocate for the need to fully comprehend compounding interest, leadership books will wax lyrical about the need for macro, cross-vertical teams’ management; Why not as well, to have as a lode-stone, consistent routine check-ins regarding mental health as an instinctual part of trusted executive and clinical management team functioning?

Narrative changes one story at a time

Kerrigan’s kindness to the aged care sector is to be another story that shirks only showing the gloss over the parts that are in-flux and less polished.

“It’s okay to put it out there”, Kerrigan says, “I haven’t been okay, it’s been a long journey, I’m still working through it.”

But importantly, as he’s found, “there will be support out there”.

He shares his very transparent moment, “I broke down in tears on stage, while not embarrassing, it was not ideal but what followed was more hugs from strangers than I can count.”

“They told me it was ok, and that I was brave to be up there, even though at the time I didn’t feel very brave.”

Aged care is a strong community

What Kerrigan found is that the aged care community is ready to be there in the mess and the less polished. The professional personnel, whose skillset and mindset is to care for some of Australia’s most vulnerable, are ready in a heart-beat to turn that attention to the colleagues, trusted leaders and staff who have rolled up their sleeves to make the industry as best as they can make it.

“And that’s been my experience from the aged care community, [people] that have known have consistently reached out to me, asked me if I was ok, offered to have them stay at their places all over Australia.”

“[They would] just check in, if I wanted to have a chat, they were here for me”.

Kerrigan advocates, “[it] means so much to know that there are people who care about you, particularly if you have depression.”

Future focus

Kerrigan says he, “loves being back at Guide, and working with the team.”

“I’m excited about the future.”

Whether your colleague is a veteran of thirty years in the industry, the founder of the business, a high-functioning professional who seems to make compliance system’s IT management look like a piece of cake, even then, it is worthwhile to reach out.

 “Reach out to people”, Kerrigan says, “for people who are suffering, it was the love and care of the people around me that helped me get to this point.”

“It can make all the difference.”

No one, particularly those at the helm of organisations, is above or immune to mental health challenges. There is no space for shame or embarrassment with opening up about the need for change.

“We can all prove that it’s okay to not be okay and continue to support each other.”